The most important things I learned from #kinktok actually weren’t new positions or spicy adult toys, but rather how to use certain communication principles to elevate our sex life. I wonder how many other people thought differently about their own sex lives after watching or reading? Why were these risqué scenes making some of our hearts pump a little harder and blood rush south? Was it because they were hot and heavy, or was it because they were opening our eyes to the multitude of ways to have an intimate relationship? Now, let’s be honest: the kink community often gets a bad rep think Fifty Shades of Grey and 365 Days. All of a sudden, I was engaged in a community that talked about sex without shame but also encouraged strong boundaries that emphasized consent.Īll of a sudden, I was engaged in a community that talked about sex without shame but also encouraged strong boundaries that emphasized consent. I thought I was doomed to stay in this seesaw of pleasure and guilt until I somehow scrolled upon #kinktok. She said a low libido was normal postpartum and suggested saying yes more often might lead to more desire.
I tried talking about it with my therapist. He encouraged me to try watching porn or exploring self-pleasure, but each time I always felt worse after the glow of an orgasm faded. My husband always put forth a valiant effort to combat my hesitancy in the bedroom. Somewhere in my upbringing, I absorbed that moms are supposed to be beautiful homemakers, more concerned about cooking a homemade meal than shimmying into a sexy red negligee or *gasp* shopping in a sex toy shop. After I had both of my children, I felt like I shouldn’t want to have sex because of some idea that if you are a mom, you are not supposed to be sexy anymore or even talk about having sex for any reason other than making babies. Then by the time I got married, I felt shame over my desires and carnal needs. I grew up in a Catholic family where sex was off-limits until I was married.
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